What would you say to this beautiful little girl when she asks you,
"Mom, have you ever wanted something so bad your heart hurts and then it never happens or your don't get whatever you wanted?"
First I thought to myself "Oh my gosh this poor little girl, what could she have wanted so badly and we didn't or weren't able to get her?
Then she went on saying:
"Like the other night when we went to go see the fireworks and they had moved them and we weren't able to watch them from where we were?"
Whew, I thought to myself, she's a kid everything small to us is going to be huge deal to her.
She then said:
"Mom, that's how I feel this whole adoption is like. "Would if my baby brother won't ever be able to come home to our family?"
My heart sank to my knees and tears swelled in my eyes, I took a deep breath then I had told her that all we could do is pray hard and hope for the best. The reality is something could happen, after all adoption is never a certain thing you can count on. Of course we thought long and hard about this adoption and what it would do to our children prior to jumping in and signing the adoption contract. But some how this conversation wiped me off my feet. Truth is, I feel just like her. I am the 8 year old little girl with my heart breaking and I have no control of what is happening.
This all comes about after our agency told us last night that all of the hopeful
rumors we had heard in the past week from other agencies are just that rumors
and not to believe them because there isn't anything concrete to go by.
9 comments:
Oh no Jess. I am so sorry. I don't understand this at all. Please know I will continue to pray.
Oh Jess :( This breaks my heart...you poor thing and your poor daugther. PRAYING!!!!!
It makes it all the more difficult, seeing our birth kids suffer. My oldest has already said to me, "If this doesn't work out, I don't want to try anymore." For a while, he was even holding himself aloof from the adoption. He was guarding his heart. (Recently he's become more excited, though.) He got his heart broken a number of times when we were trying to adopt through our state and things just didn't work out.
I hope God will use this in their lives. It's hard to make sense of it, at this point in time.
ugh. it's hard enough to explain this to ourselves, let alone our kids... wish i had something uplifting to say, but i'm at a loss! i just keep thinking "this will be the week". hugs to you all!
Jess, I am so sorry. My heart aches for your family. I just want you to know we are praying for you and we will continue. When I read your post it brought tears to my eyes. Please know I am here for you if you need anything. I wish we lived closer so I could give you a big hug right now.
My heart breaks for you! My heart hears those words and they strike a big nerve. We have faced similar situations....and well.....not like this, but listening to your children say such truth...hurt, pain....Praying in God's Name for this to be over soon!!!!!! This is just not fair- to the children, to the families, and is sooo hard. I can't imagine....please know we are still storming heaven for hope!!!!
Praying!
Read this on a blog from a family through your agency:
On the adoption news – the Ethiopian government has asked our agency to come to court on Wednesday (tomorrow! agh!!!) and bring their file numbers for the abandoned cases they have.
Did you hear this as well? I PRAY that this means GOOOOOOOOD news is coming your way!!
I pray for your situation and all the others with each new day. How painful the not knowing can be.
-Your friends in Wisconsin.
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